It’s been a slow return from the international break, with some players not getting back until the second half, and others showing signs of misuse; but at least Mitrovic is indestructible. It was also a slow period for FPL managers, many of whom saw their hopes of wildcard profits disappear – I blame Liz and the Chancellor – and the onset of austerity was confirmed as we were left pondering Dominic Solanke as the budget striker of choice. Fortunately, we’ve got Tony Adams on Strictly to cheer us all up, and maybe there’s a World Cup wannabe looking to impress the judges. Let’s see who got the glory in this week’s dance-off.
RESULTS – JULES LEAGUE
KLOSE THAN EVER 1-4 QATAR HEROES
Having waited so long for a hit, it was two in a row as the Qatar Heroes strummed to another stirring climax. It wasn’t that close, and although honours were even in the H2Hs, courtesy of strikes from Rajveer and FPL_Evolution, the real damage was done in the Squad match with qprcaribbean (125 pts), FPL Doddy (107 Pts), Andy North (106 pts), and The FPLPub (102 pts) all hitting the right chords.
FABIO CANNAVARIANCE 0-4 CAMEROON DIAZ
Life was looking good for the high-flying Fabios on Sunday, with a 7-1 lead and a big Haaland variance to come, but the Cameroons took a stroll down Maddison Avenue on Monday night and ended up in Hollywood. Step Rovers and Spatburgunder filled their boots in the H2Hs; and Ted Talks (106) pts, Aari (103pts), and Suvansh (101 pts) all starred in overturning a 161-point Squad match deficit. It was one of those weeks for the Fabios, who also had the learning experience of leaving FPL Student’s 107-point haul on the bench.
NETO THAT HAULAND 5-0 SWEET 2FA
It was routine business for the Netos, with FPL_MFDOOM and FPLLens netting, and Fplmariner keeping it clean in the H2Hs; and Libero FPL (103 pts) stepping up in the Squad match to liberate the points. They also found time to showboat by leaving the_cheeky_ness (123 pts) on the bench. Sweet 2FA were left with … well, read the label.
SILENCE OF THE LAHMS 2-2 NO KOEMAN NO CRY
This was an epic tussle, with nine centuries in the match, but the good news is that nobody died. The Koeman had the best of it in the H2Hs, with Lexx Katz (105 pts) keeping the Lahms strikers quiet, and Mark Mansfield and Dannymorota (103 pts) opening up a two-goal lead; but the Lahms sprang back in the Squad match, and hauls from Eton37 (108 pts), David Squires (107 pts), The MattHammond (106 pts), and knifeyspooney (101 pts) proved just enough to restore parity.
MURDER ON ZIDANE’S FLOOR 5-0 I GERT MÜLLER A PINT
The Müllers made a bright start, but then hit the ale, and the ruthless Zidanes took full advantage. They were decked by goals from Whitters_2014 and Fpl_Jaafar, and cleaned out by Blue Lion in the H2Hs; and were properly mullered in the Squad match, with Tyrian FC (116 pts), FPLWILSON (104 pts), DD (103 pts), FPLNormalOne (102 pts), and GreenDragon (100 pts) hitting the floor.
SHEIKH, BLATTER AND RAUL 1-7 CAFU GOOD MEN
The league leading Cafus were too good for the Sheikhs, and cruised to victory in another award-winning performance. It was all square in the H2Hs, with Torje Hegna’s strike being matched by FPL Harry; but the Cafus got the verdict in the Squad match with Sachin (107 pts), Briz (106 pts), TrophyFPL and John C Arledge (both 103 pts), and Zrinkec (101 pts) providing the evidence.
SHEIKH’S DAYLIGHT ‘RIBERY’ 1-2 NEYMAR-LESS ONES
It was robbery in the desert as the Riberys were shaken by the Neymar-less Ones. The damage was done in the H2Hs thanks to goals from FPLHanna and FPL_Rockstar, and a compulsive performance by FPL Obsessed between the sticks. The Sheikhs did strike oil in the Squad match, with Surotia (108 pts), Sibasis Pal Chowdhury (107 pts), and Tom Freeman (106 pts) all gushing for centuries, but it wasn’t quite enough.
RUUD, WHERE’S MY KAHN 3-2 IT’S A WONDERFUL CRUYFF
Clean Sheet Wipeout (102 pts) did what it says on the tin, and FPL_Glasto (103 pts) followed suit to open up a two-goal lead for the Kahns; but the Cruyffs turned it round thanks to strikes from Collie01, and Swagat Satpathy. There was more total football in the Squad match, with BrendanBone (107 pts), Schmarm (104 pts), AKR14 (102 pts), and Peter Richards (101 pts) all impressing; but the Ruuds found an extra gear, and Rob Pick (120 pts), ManOnPodcast_Dronuk (108 pts), and @dmacqpr (101 pts) ensured a swift getaway with the points.
NOT THAT EASY FERGUSO 1-8 A. WENGER’S ENDGAME
The Fergusos are still finding it hard, and there was no happy ending against the Wengers in a game that went from bad to worse. FPLRunningPharmacist opened the scoring; and FPL Flair (102 pts) dashed for a brace; but the real carnage was in the Squad match, with hauls from Joe (102 pts) and Simonsayfpl (110 pts) saying it all. FPL E’eb did bundle one over the line in Fergie time, but it was scant consolation.
CAN YOU FEEL THE LÖW TONIGHT? 1-2 FONTAINE OF KNOWLEDGE
The Löws exercised their usual firm press, and scored early thanks to a late run by FPL Ghost, but then struggled against the greater experience of the Fontaines, who were sustained by strikes from FPL_Potnoodle, together with side orders from @TomsFPL (107 pts), FPL Wrangle (104 pts), FPL Thinkerman (103 pts), Coops and FPL Noise (both 102 pts) in the Squad match. With that kind of form there was no need for regrets about leaving world champion Jamie Piggot, and his 108 points, on the bench. Hauls from FPL Darkest Knight (107 pts) and Abhishek Hota (101 pts) did little to brighten the mood in the Löw camp,
HAND OF ZOFF 2-0 PETR CECH YOURSELF
The gloves were on for this battle of the keepers, but it was the Zoffs that got the applause. As expected, Defences were on top in the H2Hs, with Ninja_fpl and FPLDummyTom doing what was necessary to make their Managers proud; but the home team found their scoring boots in the Squad match, with FPL Tombz (118 pts), FPL Prem Tipster (108 pts), and FPPL – FantasyPoddenPL (107 pts) ensuring that it was the Zoffs who palmed the points.
KING OTTO’S GRECIANS 4-3 MARADONNA KEBAB
Desperate for their first win, the Otto’s struck early, and braces from Mark Umeh, and Alfie left the Maradonas wondering what’s it all about; but Rey (119 pts) struck back with a brace of his own, and the siege was on. The Kebabs made further inroads in the Squad match with @FPL_RubberDucky (107 pts), FPL Dan (104 pts), and Blackwolf (103 pts) leading the assault; but the Ottos weren’t giving this one up, and FPL_eye_test (104 pts), FPL ROULETTE and FPLCoachLu (both 103 pts), fpldadlyledley (102 pts), and FPL NSFF – Giannis (100 pts) dug in to secure an epic victory.
JULES LEAGUE TABLE
Cafu Good Men are leading the way on goals scored, with Neto that Hauland in 2nd place, and the Zidanes and Ruuds a further three points back. Congratulations to King Otto’s Grecians on securing their first win; next task is climbing out of the cellar.
RESULTS – RIMET LEAGUE
RYAN’S RONALDO’S 2-0 VIVU ZIZOU
The Vuvu Zizous made all the noise, but were left with nothing to show for it in a heartbreaker against the Ronaldos. It all started so well, with FPL Paz piping up for 119 pts, and a clean sheet, in the H2Hs, but that was matched by @Mikx_gg, and the Ronaldos took control in a tight Squad match. Contributions from FPL Kop (104 pts), Fpl Flannel (103 pts), and Aashay Mehta (102 pts) made the difference, which leaves the Zizous still seeking their first win
HURRIKANE’S MEAN SON THREE LIONS 2-1 MERCEDES BENZEMA
This was more like a light breeze and some kittens as the HurriKane’s squeaked home against Mercedes Benzema. It was all square in the H2Hs, with @ColVHayes’ opener being cancelled out by Karan Panat; but with the Benzemas stuck in 2nd gear, The Kanes had just enough puff left to get over the line in the Squad match. FPL Kante (109 pts) was unlucky to end up on the losing side.
SHELBY COMPANY LIMITED 0-2 ZLATAN IBRA-HAMSTER-VIC
In a setback for organised crime, the Shelbys had their lunch money stolen by the Hamsters, who continue to show Zlatanesque levels of confidence. Boris Bodega matched Zophar with the gloves, and it was the Hamsters who were razor-sharp in the Squad match, with Vobinho (111 pts) providing some nip, and Az (105 pts) proving that he can still take care of business.
NETFLIX AND CHILWELL 2-0 GARUDA IN COUPE DE MONDE 38
The Garudas were well tuned for this road trip, but forgot to renew their subscription and ended up having to park the bus. It was deadlock in the H2Hs with the laundry being provided by Fpl Toni and ncaneldiee; but the Chilwells found an extra gear in the Squad match, with Marsalito (117 pts), FPLYugi and Lewis (both 104 pts) doing enough to stall the rear-guard action from @RubyDarma (109 pts), and Tom Stephenson and @EdraTessar0 (both (102 pts).
SEVEN!SEVEN!SEVEN!SEVEN!SEVEN!SEVEN!SEVEN!SEVEN! 4-6 CASH BANDICOOT FC
In the latest of what promises to be a succession of basement battles, the Sevens found their scoring touch, but couldn’t stem the flow at the other end in a bonkers goalfest. Braces from FPL Showdown and FPL Buller got the Sevens on the board; but it then went Harry Maguire as Ryan Molesworth (125 pts) countered with a hat-trick, and the Bandicoots stormed through a porous defence in the Squad match, with @FPL_KLOPP (108 pts), @FPLHow and FPL Polarbear (both 107 pts); and Seb Wassell and Zapster (both 102 pts) all cashing in.
UNBELIEVABLE GEOFF 0-2 BANYANA – BAFANA
The Unbelievables won’t have expected much in this match-up against the league leaders, but their lack of faith was almost rewarded. The Banyan-Bafana brought their A-game to the H2Hs, with a strike from Donna, and a clean sheet from Legendfpl; but the Unbelievables fought back in the Squad match, and came within four game-points of securing a draw. In the end it was Leicester’s defensive assets that secured victory for the Bafanas. How unbelievable is that?
SHEARER’S BUNCH OF FLOWERS 0-7 BRITNEY’S QATAR POUNDER WITH GREAVES
No mercy to be had here, with the Shearers being comprehensively deflowered by Chaballer’s crew. The deadheading was started by a goal from @FPLMatthew (103 pts) and good housekeeping by Greyhead in the H2Hs; and the pounding continued in the Squad match with Adnan Hajrulahovč (119 pts) and CORF_FPL (118 pts) leading the way, and another five centurions providing extra relish. Fans of Gardeners World should probably avoid the highlights on this one.
ONE TCHOUAMENI 0-1 WEAH ROBBEN BANKS
One Tchouameni didn’t have enough against the light-fingered Weahs. Goalkeepers were on top in the H2Hs, with FPL Transfer Tips and Suarezista (102 pts) exchanging clean sheets; but Weah Robben Banks stole the points in the Squad match, with Dave Datsun and Hank Scorpio (both 102 pts), and tets mcgee (100 pts) leading the larceny. Park_The_Bus was driving the getaway car, so his 105-point haul stayed on the bench.
NUSANTARA GAUCHOS 1-0 GENTLEMAN’S GREALISH
It was a clash of cultures in the Rio Grande do Sul, and the Gauchos showed that there was more than one way to get a close shave. There wasn’t a hair out of place in the H2Hs, with Fitzy (107 pts) and FP Robbie spotless between the sticks; but the conditions were more rustic in the Squad match where FPLA+ (106 pts) was the only plus for the Grealish, and the Gauchos had just enough horsepower to secure victory, with Sembada FPL (104 pts) leading the way.
PJANIC AT THE DISCO 2-0 WERNER BROS
It looked like a picnic at the disco when Chayuth Wongthongsri (119 pts) opened the show with a clean sheet in the H2Hs, but geordienufc matched that with some moves of his own. The Werners also struck early in the Squad match, with Tonker007 (103 pts) setting knees trembling; however, order was restored by a troupe of Maddisons, ably choreographed by Marsh (107 pts), and Gaurav (100 pts) to ensure that the Pjanics had the last dance.
KLINSMANN, FPL SECRET SERVICE 4-3 LÚCIO AND THE VIKING SEAMAN
It was a dawn raid in Saville Row where the Lućios raced into an early lead thanks to a brace from Pingreen (102 pts), another from fplviking, and a clean sheet from @FPL Fairy. Unfortunately, they ran out of ammo in the Squad match, and the Spooks revealed their big guns to secure victory. BakerFPL343 (119 pts), Mikey U (104 pts), Craig Kemp (103 pts), Bullet and Mak (both 102 pts), and FplRichie (100 pts) all asked for their identities to be redacted.
FANGS OF SUAREZ 2-3 BAGGIO TROUSERS
There was blood spilt in the H2Hs, where D Chin and krakenFPL showed plenty of appetite, but their strikes were matched by Werkself and FPL_Triple_Nutmeg. It was the Baggios who trousered the points in the Squad match, with Recoba and TLF (102 pts), Sukhraj Sidhu (101 pts), and Blue Knights (100 pts) providing the stakes. FPL_Insights (123 pts) is probably wishing he’d signed for the werewolves.
RIMET LEAGUE TABLE
Banyana-Bafana continue to lead the way, and are the only unbeaten team in the Rimet League, but those pesky Hamsters are hot on their tail, and Klinsmann and the Britneys will be looking to take advantage of any slip-ups. At the other end, Vivu Zizou and the Sevens are looking for their first win, while the Shelbys are still seeking their first point.
PLAYER OF THE WEEK
It was looking bleak on the haul front on Saturday night, and more so on Sunday if you forgot to captain Haaland; but for those that kept faith in Leicester it was high-fives on Monday night. Judging by the scoring, plenty of you did, but it takes a daddy hundred to stand out this week. Rob Pick makes the Honours Board with 120 pts; and FPL Insights and the_cheeky_ness (both 123 pts) also get honourable mentions; but this weeks’ top bananas are qprcaribbean and Ryan Molesworth with 125 pts. If there was a prize, I’d give it to Ryan because he also scored a hat-trick. Well done all.
We have joint leaders in the golden boot race, with Pingreen and Mark Mansfield on five goals, and FPL Noble Gent and FPL Flair leading the chase.
Zophar and Chayuth Wongthongsri are setting the standard in goal, with seven clean sheets to date, with FPL Focal, FPL Transfer Tips, Umberto, and PG following on six.
Boris Bodega (438 pts) is the top overall points score to date, but Grey Head doesn’t like to talk about that.
MATCHDAY 7 FIXTURES
In the Jules League, Cafu Good Men will face tough opposition from Ruud, Where’s my Kahn, assuming they get there; Neto that Hauland will be looking to keep pace by getting clear of Klose than Ever; and Sweet to 2FA will be happy if they survive their clash with Murder on Zidane’s Floor. The only way is up for King Otto’s Grecians, but they’ll be up against it when they visit Fontaine of Knowledge.
In the Rimet League, One Tchouameni might be biting off more than they can chew against Bayana-Bafanas; Zlatan Ibra-hamster-vic will see Seven! as a reasonable target in their match-up; Klinsmann – FPL Secret Service will be hoping to get something for the weekend against Gentlemen’s Grealish; and it should be spicy when Britney’s Qatar Pounder with Greaves clash with Nusantura Grauchos. At the other end, the Shelby Company Limited will take anything they can get against Ryan’s Ronaldos.
The full list of Matchday 7 fixtures is as follows:
Spreadsheet nerds can get all the details on Teams, score history and league tables at SKLW Scores 22/23; and you can use the brilliant Livescores by TopMarx to get live updates during the Gameweek.
That’s all for now but if you want more, Boris and Greyhead will be dissecting the Gameweek and, no doubt, the finer points of the North London Derby, on the only Podcast not currently touting for Football Content Awards votes. You can get it here:
I’m off to Poundland to buy a new striker. Good luck and stay safe.