A week is a long time in FPL: The James Bond market is in freefall; the boos was flowing at Villa Park; Wolves had to send out for a new drawing board; and Forest sacked their HR department, so heaven knows who’s going to organise the Christmas Party. And then there was the season defining clash of titans on Sunday … er, I mean, 2nd against 11th.
SKLW managers also have their hands full, with Boris slipping in an extra midweek match, and the prospect of injuries, suspensions, rotation, and a great big blank, combining to muck up our careful planning. Maybe that nice Mr Potter will have some ideas on how to navigate the rotation risks, but I wouldn’t count on it. It’s overtime for everyone, but with no guarantees about who will show up. Here’s what happened in Part 1.
RESULTS – JULES LEAGUE
NETO THAT HAULAND 6-0 QATAR HEROES
It was zero for the Heroes, as the Haulands netted the biggest haul of the Gameweek. Fplmariner and DonieFPL got the flat track bullying going, with a goal and a brace in the H2Hs; and @FPL_Penguin1 (65pts) picked it up in the Squad match to complete the mauling.
SILENCE OF THE LAHMS 0-1 FABIO CANNAVARIANCE
It was fine dining in the sheep-pen as the Fabios devoured the Lahms with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. It was ducks all round to start, thanks to clean sheets for Henry and FplStatsdan, but in a high-scoring Squad matchit was the Fabios who had the stomach for seconds. With the high score in the match, Peteski29 (68 pts) will feel aggrieved about being fleeced.
MURDER ON ZIDANE’S FLOOR 0-2 KLOSE THAN EVER
It was Murder on Zidane’s Floor, and in an unexpected twist, it was Klose Than Ever whodunnit. Robot Dice got the plot going with a clean sheet, and had enough anal beads left over to help Magnus Carlsen notch in the H2Hs. Vikram (58pts) orchestrated the cover up in the Squad match.
SHEIKH, BLATTER AND RAUL 3-1 CAMEROON DIAZ
The Cameroons started on a high, but it turned out to be a mirage as their Haaland differential engine failed to adapt to the conditions. FPL_Jan and elevenfly raided for goals in the H2Hs, and although Spatburgunder reduced the deficit, the Sheikhs unleashed their Salah slush fund to secure the points, with theFPLKiwi (67 pts), emerging as top ringer.
SHEIKH’S DAYLIGHT ‘RIBERY’ 0-3 SWEET 2FA
Two FAs are better than one, and it proved to be a sweet deal as Sweet 2FA licked the risery Riberys. It was candy floss in the H2Hs, with Leigh and Gio Alarcon exchanging clean sheets; but the sherbet dip was flowing in the Squad match, with TylerFPL and FPLMattiDay (both 64 pts) providing the sparkle.
RUUD, WHERE’S MY KAHN 1-0 NO KOEMAN NO CRY
The Koeman picked the wrong week to leave the hankies behind as they were jilted by the Ruuds in a heartbreaker. It looked like a good match-up it the H2Hs, with JJ and Kden FPL caught sharing clean sheets; but the mood turned sour in the Squad match, with FPL Beery (63 pts) refusing to share the ale, and George (68 pts) moaning about being left on the bench; which left Koeman having to go home alone, and empty-handed.
NOT THAT EASY FERGUSO 1-3 I GERT MÜLLER A PINT
The Fergusos are finding life tough in the cellar, which is also where they keep the beer, so the Müllers were in their element. FF_Thinker (67 pts) downed one in the H2Hs, and while AsFach got the next round, the Fergusos couldn’t handle the chasers in the Squad match, and by closing time the Müllers had an unassailable lead.
CAN YOU FEEL THE LÖW TONIGHT? 1-3 CAFU GOOD MEN
The Löws were up for a clinch with the league leaders, but the Cafus soon put that idea to bed. PG’s performance between the sheets was an early indication of abstinent times; and a goal and a brace by FPL Harry (58 pts) and FPLMaverick (63 pts) ended any thoughts of a happy ending. The Löws did stir in the Squad match but it wasn’t their night, and a dissertation from FPL Graduates (67 pts) soon killed the mood for good.
HAND OF ZOFF 1-1 NEYMAR-LESS ONES
A predictably tight match between two contenders, but at least no one was hurt. FPLFella must have felt pretty good about breaching the Zoff defences in the H2Hs, but his Naymarless colleagues might have overdone the celebrations, and the Zoffs restored parity in the Squad match. The real action was on the bench, where Nayif Almadi (67 pts), and FPL_Rockstar (63 pts) showed what might have been.
KING OTTO’S GRECIANS 5-0 IT’S A WONDERFUL CRUYFF
After a slow start, the King Ottos have finally gotten the hang of this game. Stick your low scorers on the bench; fill your Squad with accumulators like Alistair Cowper (64 pts); put Alasdairtweets between the sticks; and unleash FPLCoachLu and World No 1 Fabio Borges up front. Simples. Sadly, for It’s a Wonderful Cruyff, it’s a trip back to Pottersville.
MARADONNA KEBAB 1-3 A. WENGER’S ENDGAME
It was a good opening by the Maradonnas, with FPL_Naboo striking first in the H2Hs, but Joe also likes his meat, and the Wengers were the happy chappies in the Squad match with CHAPPY (69 pts) ending all thoughts of an even contest.
PETR CECH YOURSELF 3-1 FONTAINE OF KNOWLEDGE
In a mid-table clash, it was the Cechs who had the know-how to see off the Fontaines. The design was set by FPL Architect and FPLOsama in the H2Hs; and while Coops responded, the Fontaines lost the thread in the Squad match, where FPL_Mihir (69 pts) emerged with top marks.
JULES LEAGUE TABLE
Cafu Good Men continue to make a good impression, with a strong defence team backing up their offensive firepower. Neto that Hauland are three points adrift in 2nd place, with the Fabios leading the chasing pack. Not that easy Ferguso had little trouble in consolidating their position in last place, but the Qatar Heroes, Cameroons, and Riberys will be nervously looking over their shoulders.
RESULTS – RIMET LEAGUE
SHELBY COMPANY LIMITED 3-2 VIVU ZIZOU
In a relegation six-pointer, the Shelbys finally acquired some points against Vivu Zizu, but it was another close shave. The Zizus made some noise in the H2Hs, with FPL Paz and George PÎrcălabu opening the scoring, but fplclouseau and Chris Cappie balanced the books, and the Shelbys prevailed by a single point in the Squad match.
NETFLIX AND CHILWELL 1-0 HURRIKANE’S MEAN SON THREE LIONS
There wasn’t much of a ratings buzz for this mid-table clash, and it was another trip where the Hurrikanes failed to make landfall. The award-winning performances were between the sticks, where FplToni (62 pts), and FPL Abra (63 pts) kept it locked down; and it was Netflix who were more chilled in the Squad match.
SEVEN!SEVEN!SEVEN!SEVEN!SEVEN!SEVEN!SEVEN!SEVEN! 1-1 RYAN’S RONALDOS
The Sevens rose to the occasion for the visit of Number Seven, and nearly stole the points thanks to an inspired performance in goal by Ktk_interista (58 pts), and a show stopping strike from Fpl Showdown (63 pts). It could have been more, but the Ronaldos responded in the Squad match, and FPL Kaiser 5 (63 pts) ensured that the King came home with a point.
UNBELIEVABLE GEOFF 3-2 MERCEDES BENZEMA
In an unbelievably tight match, the free scoring play in the H2Hs, where Annie, Haggis, FPL Kante, and @artemusvas all netted, became a war of attrition in the Squad match. The Benzemas must have liked their chances, but the Stats Don’t Lie, and his 66 pts was just enough to swing it for the Geoffs.
SHEARER’S BUNCH OF FLOWERS 4-0 ZLATAN IBRA-HAMSTER-VIC
Rumours that the reigning champions were wilting were put to bed as the Shearers pruned the ambitions of the upstart Hamsters. Danelius led by example in the H2Hs; the lead was doubled by Mreidfelt; and FPL Dreamers (66 pts) had his wishes fulfilled between the sticks. The Florists scored a bunch more in the Squad match, with Jonjo Shall_We? (63 pts) showing how it’s done; and the Shearers could even afford to leave this week’s top scorer, Jonkeates (76 pts), on the bench.
ONE TCHOUAMENI 1-2 GARUDA IN COUPE DE MONDE 38
The Garudas were the form team in this match, but even they will probably be wondering how they managed to come away with the points. Sure, AggerZen5 and Masvansa Team (both 69 pts) did their bit in the Squad match; and while @igoy_dama (60 pts) notched for the Garudas, it wouldn’t have mattered if the hosts had gotten their batting order right. Adam Hopcroft reduced the deficit, but with their two highest scorers languishing on the bench, One Tchouameni came up short in the Squad match.
NUSANTARA GAUCHOS 3-0 CASH BANDICOOT FC
The Gauchos cashed in against the Bandicoots to keep their title hopes on track. The damage was done in the H2Hs, where FPL Robbie (62 pts) manned the barricades, Luthfi Aditia and @Newbie_FPL raided for goals; and Mina imnida (64 pts) ensured there were no surprises in the Squad match; which left the Bandicoots looking for a new line of credit.
PJANIC AT THE DISCO 2-4 BANYANA – BAFANA
It was night fever on the dance floor, with the Banyana-Bafanas making all the noise in a return to winning ways. The Pjanics were panicked into front-loading their best movers in the H2Hs, and while Rodney McCain (60 pts) and k0k5t (64 pts) both scored, there was nothing left for the Squad dance. The Bafanas kept the Faith (64 pts), with; Legendfpl (63 pts) leading by example, and Donna chipping in to ensure a return to the top.
KLINSMANN, FPL SECRET SERVICE 2-2 BRITNEY’S QATAR POUNDER WITH GREAVES
It was nip and tuck in this top of the table clash, with early infiltration by Jordie prompting countermeasures from Frenchy_FPL and @FPL_Gills. That should have been sufficient for the Secret Service, particularly with FPL Dragon (62 pts) breathing fire, but the Britneys bounced back to share the spoils. Can’t wait for the sequel.
FANGS OF SUAREZ 3-2 WEAH ROBBEN BANKS
It was the road trip from hell for the Weahs, who raided the wrong kind of Bank, and came away with an iron deficiency and a very narrow loss. It looked so promising when tets magee and Dynamic Duos secured deposits in the H2Hs; but that prompted withdrawals from D Chin and Ishsan; and the feasting continued in the Squad match, with Sach (63 pts) and FPL Enthusiast (62 pts) being up for the task.
BAGGIO TROUSERS 2-0 GENTLEMAN’S GREALISH
The Baggios put on the style and bagged the points in a well-groomed encounter against the Greaslish. Werkself (69 pts) kept it clean, and Arsénê Wèngër reprised past glories in the H2Hs, while Gnu (69 pts) was particularly well turned out in the Squad match. Alex Arblaster (63 pts) tried to rally the troops, but the Gents went home empty-handed.
LUCIÓ AND THE VIKING SEAMAN 2-2 WERNER BROS
The Luciós were looking to maintain momentum, but ran into a Werner Bros team desperately in need of a hit. The home team struck early, with @FPL drunk and star striker Pingreen both hitting the net. Karaam Tayser reduced the deficit, and the Werners had just enough firepower to restore parity in the Squad match. Honours even.
RIMET LEAGUE TABLE
Banyana-Bafana reclaim top spot, and have a two-point edge over Klinsmann and the Britneys following their stalemate, with the Hamsters still in the hunt in 4th. At the other end, the Sevens are still looking for their first win, and while the Shelbys now have that monkey off their back, both they and Vuvu Zizou have work to do to avoid being cut off from the pack.
PLAYER OF THE WEEK
Without the usual 40-point supplement from Haaland, it was a low scoring Gameweek, and a surprising number of high scores were left languishing on the bench. The principal victim was Jonkeates, whose 76-point haul is dead to me, and which means that this week’s top banana is actually a bunch, with AggerZen5, Masvansa Team, Gnu, Werkself, CHAPPY, and FPL_Mihir all scoring 69 pts. The top overall SKLW points scorer is Park_The_Bus (562), closely followed by @igoy_darma (561), and Joe (557).
Pingreen retains his lead as top striker with seven goals, followed by Mike Mansfield with six, and a bunch of managers on four. In the golden gloves race, Chayuth Wongthongsri and PG lead with ten clean sheets, followed by Zophar and Umberto on eight.
Well done all.
MATCHDAY 9 FIXTURES
Don’t forget that we are playing catch up this week, with the deadline for Matchday 9 being 6.15pm UK time on Tuesday 18 October.
In the Jules League, King Otto’s Grecians face a challenging trip to Cafu Good Men; we can expect violence when Neto that Hauland host Murder on Zidane’s Floor; and Fabio Cannavariance will need extra security for the visit by Sheikh, Blatter and Raul. At the other end, Not that easy Ferguso will be hoping to get their hand in the cookie jar when they visit Sweet 2FA.
In the Rimet League, Banyana – Bafana will face a Fangs of Suarez team on the lookout for fresh blood; Klinsmann – FPL Secret Service will be looking to cash in against Cash Bandicoot FC; and Britney’s Qatar Pounder with Greaves will be getting it on against Baggio Trousers. At the bottom, it’s another relegation six-pointer, as the Shelby Company Limited host the Sevens.
MATCHDAY 10 FIXTURES
You guessed it. No sooner do we get the midweek fixtures out of the way, and we ride again at the weekend. You can mark your Matchday 10 targets here.
As always, all the details on Teams, score history, and league tables are available at SKLW Scores 22/23; and you can feed your hopes and fears in real time by accessing Livescores by TopMarx throughout the Gameweek.
That’s all for now but Boris will have the pen next week for a double helping of results from Matchdays 9 and 10. The SKLW Podcast has a new format, and has moved to a fortnightly battle-rhythm, so you’ll have to wait until 26 October for the next episode of Boris and Greyhead sparring for bragging rights.
I’m off to buff up my wildcard. Good luck and stay safe.