Strikers Keepers Losers Weepers: Winner, winner, chicken dinner

It’s been a long season, full of twists, sabbaticals, rescheduling, and rigid templates. Scouting for leaked team news has become a science, and berating content creators seems to be the new blood sport. We ordered extra chips, which have long since disappeared, and there was one final double gameweek to feast on, although for most it’s been more like a famine. And for the SKLW community tournament, it’s the end of an era as Boris and Greyhead ride into the sunset.

After 23 league matches, a Super Smackdown Championship decider, and four rounds of knockout play, the net result is that most of us were on the beach ahead of Man City, but with less to show for it. However, for the favoured few, and a couple of teams that went the Chelsea route, it’s finally time to play for the big baubles. Cue anthems: let’s see who prevailed in the Champions League, You’re Ropey Cup, and Wooden Spoon finals. 



Son of a Gün fought their way past Fabio Cannavriance, HurriKane’s Mean Son’s Three Lions, and One Tchouameni, and a mid-season identity crisis, to reach the Champions League Final. It was drama all the way for Banyana-Bafana: first snatching the Rimet League title on the final matchday; then seeing off the Naymar-less Ones in the Super Smackdown, and ending A. Wenger’s Endgame’s interest in the last 16, before ensuring that Fangs of Suarez bit off more than they could chew in the Quarters. It was destined that they would clash once more with Zlatan Ibra-hamster-vic in the Semis, but the BBs prevailed again to set up an intriguing battle of cultures in the Final.

Shots were fired early in this match-up, and the marksmanship of the Günners squad, with FPL Frasier (83), FPL SWOT (82), and MAK (80) leading the way, looked overwhelming; however, Banyana-Bafana struck back in the H2Hs, with strikes from Stevie G and Frodo Baggins (both 86), and a clean sheet from Kraken (79), which was the cue to crack open the champagne. Congratulations to Banyana-Bafana, who are worthy champions, and commiserations to Son of a Gün who, with another Rashford return, might still have nicked it at the death.


Weah Robben Banks win 3-0 on penalties

Weah Robben Banks began their post-season criminal endeavours by fleecing Cameroon Diaz in the last 16, before picking the pockets of Baggio Trousers in the Quarters, and doing something unspeakable to Silence of the Lahms in the Semis. In the other half of the draw, Hand of Zoff financed their campaign by doing a number on Cash Bandicoot FC in the last 16, getting away from Klose Than Ever in the Quarters, and crushing the desires of Kahn you feel the Löw tonight? in the Semis.

In another tight match-up, the Weahs struck first thanks to the dark arts of Suarezista (81), but that was more than matched by FPL_Bruno (86) and Ninja_fpl (82), who ensured that the Zoffs took a lead into the Squad match. Unfortunately, they also handed the Weahs a 16-point advantage in hits which, combined with a man of the match performance from Ameenkw (85), was enough to send the tie to penalties, and set up one more successful heist for Weah Robben Banks. Who said crime doesn’t pay?



In the losers stay on tournament, Unbelievable Geoff’s route to ignominy began in the cellar of the Rimet League, and was underscored by defeats to Maradonna Kebab, It’s a Wonderful Cruyff, and Qatar Heroes. No Koeman No Cry had to work a little harder to plumb such depths, but managed it thanks to unsuccessful run-ins with Shelby Company Limited, Garuda in Coupe de Monde 38, and Not that easy Ferguso.

In the match no one wants to play in, the Unbelievables maintained their form to ensure that they get first dibs at dressing in pink. The Koeman were in no mood to shed tears, and signalled their intent with strikes from Dannymorata (71) and Mark Mansfield (70), and a clean sheet from Kden FPL (75); which was supplemented by further tantrums in the Squad match to seal a 4-0 victory. Congratulations to No Koeman No Cry, I think. For the Unbelievables, there’ll be an opportunity to defend their title next season.


For those still keeping count, we should record that Lucio and the Viking Seaman’s frontman, Pingreen, is this season’s golden boot winner with 20 goals. Chayuth Wongthongsri, with 31 clean sheets, did his best to calm the nerves of his Pjanic at the Disco teammates, and is our golden gloves winner. The top overall SKLW points scorer is Jon Ballantyne, which proves that Banyana-Bafana picked the right MVP. Well done all.

For the auditors and archivists, or just those wishing to relive their favourite gameweek, all of the results and finer details are available via SKLW Scores 22/23 and by accessing Livescores by TopMarx.

Well, that’s it for another season, and hopefully, amidst the thrills, spills, dreams and schemes, there were some glimmers of success, much mirth, and the forging of many new friendships. Organising 48 teams and 768 FPL Managers on a weekly basis is no mean feat, especially when you throw in the odd penalty shootout, and Boris and Greyhead deserve huge praise for making it work so seamlessly. London-based Managers can thank them in person at the SKLW prize-giving ceremony at the Thirsty Bear (62 Stamford St, London SE1 9LX) from 1.30pm on Sunday 28 May, where the GW38 televised games will also be shown. Please DM @FPLMeets to let him know if you’re coming.

I’m off to grab a ringside seat at the Thirsty Bear. Good luck, stay safe, and let’s do it all again next season.