It’s been a stormy week in the UK but nothing like the maelstrom in FPL where street parties to celebrate Wildcard returns had to be put on hold.
It was carnage with the captaincy: 6.5 million FPL managers lined up behind Haaland for his one-pointer; another 1.6 million gave the armband to Salah for his blank; and the rest of the top ten fared no better; however, it’s hats off for the 15 future content creators who triple-captained Doku.
The points dodging continued across the rest of our squads as the true ravages of FPL-austerity kicked in. Many of us lost Cash; others saw their prize assets booking early winter breaks; and Spurs got the Blues in the Battle of White Hart Lane (Part 356). Thank goodness that VAR didn’t do anything to add to our woes.
Talking of winter breaks, the SKLW writers took theirs early this year, but we’re back to offer some distraction from the urge for rage transfers by regaling you with tales of how your SKLW teams fared in Matchday 8.
BANYANA BAFANA 2-0 CAFU GOOD MEN
The Bafanas sealed the deal thanks to a strike from @FPL_FrodoB; a clean sheet from LegendaFPL; and more firepower in the Squad match. There wasn’t much for the Cafus to get excited about, but they did produce the game’s top points scorer, @maverick_fpl (41).
FABIO CANNAVARIANCE 4-0 SON OF A GÜN
The Fabios outgunned the Sons with an excessive show of force in the Squad match. @owenfutter (51) took a break from his day job to deliver the top score; and @FPLcola (46) provided extra fizz. @FPL_Gills (45) did his best to stem the tide for the Sons.
SHEIKH, BLATTER AND RAUL 4-2 SPEARSMINT DINO
The league-leaders were on a roll and delivered a breathtaking performance to dispatch Spearsmint Dino. In contrast with the real world, all of the strikers returned, but the Sheikhs were extra-strong in the Squad match, where @vasman60 led the way with 47 points.
FONTAINE OF KNOWLEDGE 2-3 OPPENHAMSTER
The Hamsters deployed the nuclear option to flatten Fontaine of Knowledge in their own library. The Fontaines had the greater know-how in the H2Hs, where @TomsFPL and @Fplbinary both notched; but Sribava Sharma reduced the deficit, and Johan Jacobs (47) initiated a chain reaction in the Squad match.
NETFLIX AND CHILWELL 2-1 WAN FLEW OVER THE NKUNKU’S NEST
Netflix deployed their high-priced talent to good effect to squeeze past the Nkunkus. @FPLJerome and FPL Toni delivered H2H strikes; @fpl_flair kept it clean; and @vrecar (47) parked the bus in the Squad match.
GERD MÜLLER A PINT 4-2 EL SIN NOMBRE
The Müllers climbed out of the cellar with a refreshing win against their Mexican invaders. El Sin Nombre delivered early strikes courtesy of @FPL_Andy and @FPL_Rockstar; but @Hollyshand and @Mulligandffs also took their shots, and the beer was flowing in the Squad match.
Premier League Table
|1. Sheikh, Blatter and Raul||8||+17||22|
|2. Fabio Cannavariance||8||+11||16|
|3. Wan Flew over the Nkunku’s Nest||8||+7||16|
|4. Banyana Bafana||8||+6||15|
|5. Spearsmint Dino||8||-1||13|
|6. Son of a Gun||8||-2||12|
|7. El Sin Nombre||8||0||10|
|8. Netflix And Chilwell||8||-3||10|
|9. Gerd Müller a Pint||8||-8||9|
|11. Cafu Good Men||8||-3||7|
|12. Fontaine of Knowledge||8||-18||1|
ONANAS IN PYJAMAS 3-1 FC HA LA LAND
The Onanas went to the mattresses to keep FC Ha La Land at bay. @sherifgabr777 and @davedatsun exchanged goals in the H2Hs, but the Onanas had blanket coverage in the Squad match, with @FPLJogger(45) leading the bedroom action.
NO FUCHS GIVEN 4-3 PANDA EXPRESS CDF
The Pandas raced out to an early lead thanks to a goal from @ManOnPodcast_Dronuk, and a brace from Matthew Milton (45), but it was all for nothing as No Fuchs stormed back with three Squad goals and an OOP strike from @FPLFalse9.
ONE TCHOUAMENI 1-1 KAHN YOU FEEL THE LÖW TONIGHT
@MatGilbert opened the scoring for One Tchouameni, and @FPLTransferTips kept it clean; but one wasn’t enough as the Kahns rallied in the Squad match. @Roger_sen (51) did most to raise Löw spirits.
HAND OF ZOFF 1-2 NUSANTARA GAUCHOS
The Zoffs led early thanks to @fpl_tombz (42), and @FPL_Sonaldo answered all the burning questions in goal; but they couldn’t handle the Gauchos press in the Squad match where @FPL_sietam (40) did most to ensure that they rode away with the points.
FLOWERS 0-4 CAMEROON DIAZ
It was a return to the red carpet for Cameroon Diaz, and garlands all round, as strikes from @Waldo_Pirate and @tomba91 were matched by award-winning performances in the Squad match.
CASH BANDICOOT 2-2 MURDER ON ZIDANE’S FLOOR
The runaway leaders failed to cash in on a home fixture against the lowly Zidanes. It could have been worse as Matthew Whitman and @Karan_G14 made a killing in the H2Hs; but @FPL_KLOPP (46) reduced the deficit, and the Bandicoots had just enough capital to equalise in the Squad match.
|1. Cash Bandicoot||8||+11||17|
|2. Cameroon Diaz||8||+12||15|
|3. Nusantara Gauchos||8||-6||13|
|5. Kahn you feel the Löw tonight?||8||-1||11|
|6. FC Ha La Land||8||-1||11|
|7. Onanas in Pyjamas||8||+3||10|
|8. Murder on Zidane’s Floor||8||+1||10|
|9. No Fuchs Given||8||-4||10|
|10. Panda Express CDF||8||-5||10|
|11. One Tchouameni||8||-5||10|
|12. Hand of Zoff||8||-13||8|
NO KOEMAN NO CRY 2-1 SWEET 2FA
Sweet 2FA lost a tear-jerker after being caught with their hand in the cookie jar. @Jamesleachpoet found the right words for No Koeman in the H2Hs, and while @ZidansDad responded, name-dropping didn’t cut any ice in the Squad match, where @AKSHAYMUFC (45) led the shouting.
GENTLEMAN’S GREALISH 0-2 FLYING DUTCHMEN
The Dutchmen were flying and secured a comfortable victory thanks to a clean sheet from @Ally_Son9; a strike from @rowhunn; and greater firepower in the Squad match, where @AnagGeo00 (51) led the line.
SHELBY COMPANY LIMITED 2-4 MARADONA KEBABS
The Shelbys were razor-sharp in the H2Hs, where @FutZain and @FPLCircle both notched; but @FPL_Blackwolf and @FPLDanDave restored the balance, and it was the Kebabs who feasted in the Squad match. @FPLCheetah (54) was the top skewer.
GARUDA CHEERS UP MASVANSA 2022 0-2 KEANE 16
Not much cheer for the Garudas as Keane 16 prevailed in a low-scoring match thanks to a clean sheet from Shrikant Verma; a H2H strike from @JohnHenson4; and a slight edge in the Squad match.
MARITIM +62 2-1 WINNING MENTALITY WANDERERS
The Maritims took over at the top after doing just enough to maintain their winning mentality. The heavy lifting was done in the Squad match where @regenronal (44) did most to overturn @FPLAdvice6’s H2H goal. Sadly, the Wanderers are still without a win, and are now cut adrift at the bottom. Perhaps some counselling would help?
THE HEROES 1-2 IT’S A WONDERFUL CRUYFF
It was basement scores all round for the Cruyffs, but they returned to Bedford Falls with a victory thanks to H2H strikes from @swagart172 and Ahmed Gebril. There weren’t many heroes in the home team, but @fplmode (41) was the top points-scorer, so he’ll have that to talk about on Scoutcast.
League One Table
|1. Garuda Cheers Up Masvansa 2022||8||+10||15|
|2. Maritim +62||8||+6||15|
|3. Sweet 2FA||8||+7||14|
|4. It’s a Wonderful Cruyff||8||-4||13|
|5. No Koeman No Cry||8||-8||13|
|6. Keane 16||8||+8||12|
|7. The Heroes||8||+6||12|
|8. Flying Dutchmen||8||0||11|
|9. Shelby Company Limited||8||-3||11|
|10. Maradona Kebabs||8||-0||10|
|11. Gentleman’s Grealish||8||-5||8|
|12. Winning Mentality Wanderers||8||-17||2|
THE NATION OF DOMINATION 2-1 THE GENERALISTS
It was another disappointing week on manoeuvres for the Generalists, who were repulsed by the Nation of Domination. It wasn’t domination, but after @fpl_jono and @FPLBrain exchanged strikes, it was the home team who made all the best moves. @FplVeteran (40) can look forward to further recalls after top-scoring for the Generalists.
A PLANET WITH NO STARS 2-1 UNBELIEVABLE GEOFF
The Stars came out and eclipsed Unbelievable Geoff to join them in mid-table obscurity. The Unbelievables made a bright start in the H2Hs, thanks to a goal from @nlbounty and a cleanie from Chris Morgan, but it was lights out in the Squad match as the Planets aligned to secure victory.
FRED RICE EATER 2-2 THE NONCHALANT TWENTY2
There wasn’t much to dine out on in another low-scoring match. The Freds got a double portion in the H2Hs courtesy of strikes from @PandiRamsiey and @0xelvinacisc, but the Nonchalants restored parity thanks to a goal from @FPL_Hank2, and the extra pop provided by @FPL_Dale (40) in the Squad match.
LETS’ GET READY TO CRUMBLE 0-3 THE DEADLY DEADLINERS
It was another disappointing week in the Bake-off Tent as the Crumblers succumbed to the greater punctuality of the Deadly Deadliners. @fplyagami got an early portion in the H2Hs, and the Deadliners followed it up with a showstopper in the Squad match. They could even afford to leave @FPL_Sandwich’s 41 points to curl up on the bench.
RUUD BULLET 0-2 INTEGRITY IS MBUEMO
In a match worthy of two contenders, Ruud Bullet can count themselves unlucky to run into the only team that exceeded their Matchday 8 Squad score. @bridgamateur and @chiplesschaps (both 46) were the joint-highest scorers in the match, but the Ruuds lost out thanks to @Ivwoodpecker’s H2H strike, and the performance of the Mbeumo Squad where @JohnDoeFPL (46) and @aashaypm (45) particularly excelled.
THE GALACTICOS – BYE
The Galacticos chose the right week to take a break.
League Two Table
|1. Ruud Bullet||7||+8||15|
|2. Integrity Is Mbeumo||7||+8||14|
|3. The Nonchalant Twenty2||8||+3||12|
|4. The Deadly Deadliners||8||+1||11|
|5. Unbelievable Geoff||7||+5||10|
|6. A Planet with no Stars||7||-3||10|
|7. The Nation of Domination||7||-6||10|
|8. The Galacticos||7||0||9|
|9. Fred Rice Eater||7||+2||8|
|10. Let’s Get Ready To Crumble||7||-6||6|
|11. The Generalists||8||-12||6|
MANAGER OF THE WEEK
In a frugal week, only four FPL managers exceeded 50 points. @owenfutter, @Roger-sen and @AnagGeo00 all delivered 51 points, but this week’s top scorer is @FPLCheetah with 54 points. Good stuff, but let’s try to do better next week.
Our leader in the golden boot race is @sertalpbilal with seven goals, with four managers trailing on four goals; and it’s a five-way tie for the golden gloves, with @angus81, @FFScout_Joe, @Alchim1sT, @SUPERHOOPS and @urparallelworld on three clean sheets. @FPL_Mikey is the top team player with 485 points from seven Squad appearances; and @fantasypoddenpl is the top super-sub with 286 points from four benchings. Well done all.
Notwithstanding his goal this week, Matthew Whitman, with four blanks from six appearances, is the striker who evokes visions of Neil Maupay; and @FPL General, with seven goals conceded, and no saves, from two appearances, is currently in line for the Turner Prize.
MATCHDAY 9 FIXTURES
Here’s what we have to look forward to on Matchday 9.
That’s all for now. I’m off to toss a coin to decide which high-priced asset is leaving my team this week. Stay safe.