It was a distressing weekend for the football community, and we were again reminded of the risks associated with elite athletes constantly having to perform at the limits of human endurance. It’s great that Tom Lockyer is responding to treatment, and we all wish him a speedy recovery; however, I’ll also tip my hat to the crowd at the Vitality Stadium who instinctively struck the right tone in terms of support, patience, understanding and respect. Patience has also been needed while the Premier League, and FPL Towers, work out what happens next and, of course, some of us will have lost out, but we’ll get over it.
It is perhaps apt that we now get a break to allow SLKW managers to restore equilibrium, recharge batteries, and complete our Christmas shopping, particularly as money doesn’t seem to be a problem this year. So, just one more report card to get out of the way: here’s how it turned out on Matchday 13.
PREMIER LEAGUE
FABIO CANNAVARIANCE 2-3 CAFU GOOD MEN
The Cafus were too good for the Fabios, who slipped further adrift of the league-leaders. The Fabios started brightly, with H2H goals from @owenfutter and @samwiseelf; but @chill_fpl and @FPL_Harry restored parity, and it was the Cafus that had the goods in the Squad match, with @stro12345 (75) leading the way. It might have been different had the Fabios not benched @FPLEchidna’s 79-point haul.
BANYANA BAFANA 0-6 SHEIKH, BLATTER AND RAUL
The Sheikhs continue to shake it up with a statement victory against the reigning champions. H2H braces from @FplAuto and @sertalpbilal, and a clean sheet from @Raghy78d set the tone; and the goals continued to flow in the Squad match, with @seantobin (74) leading the charge.
SON OF A GÜN 4-0 FONTAINE OF KNOWLEDGE
The Fontaines didn’t have the know-how to breach the Günners defences, and might consider pitching up with more than a pen next time. FPL_Gills was spotless in goal, and strikes from @FPL_PEP_TALK and @fplfrasier were supplemented by further salvos in the Squad match.
SPEARSMINT DINO 2-3 NETFLIX AND CHILWELL
The Spearsmints started brightly, with @Darth_Krid and Gnu (74) delivering H2H strikes; but Netflix turned it round thanks to a goal from @FPLJerome, and further rushes in the Squad match.
OPPENHAMSTER 1-1 GERD MÜLLER A PINT
The Hamsters continue to struggle in their nuclear bunker, but did just enough to quench the Müllers’ thirst for points. There was some early fall-out in the H2Hs, where @lagdonff’s clean sheet was supplemented by an eruption from @umberto_fs (77), but persistent nibbling paid off for the Hamsters in the Squad match.
WAN FLEW OVER THE NKUNKU’S NEST 0-3 EL SIN NOMBRE
The El Sin Nombre raiding party was going to plan, with H2H strikes form @FPL_Andy and @FPLCanuck, and @FPLFella (77) kicking up a storm in the Squad match; but then they turned the clock back and parity was restored thanks to a goal from @krakkenFPL (77), and a re-energised Knunku squad.
* three points deducted for fielding an ineligible player
CHAMPIONSHIP
HAND OF ZOFF 0-2 FC HA LA LAND
The late adjustments to the cast did nothing to stop FC Ha La Land from consolidating their grip at the top. A clean sheet from @fpl_malayali and a H2H goal from @edwardemmerson got the audience on their feet, and handling errors by the Zoffs in the Squad match made for a smooth finale.
ONE TCHOUAMENI 3-0 FLOWERS
It weas deadlock in the H2Hs with @zopharfpl and @steve72saunders (81) vying for goalkeeping honours, but the Flowers wilted in the Squad match to leave One Tchouameni grasping the green shoots of recovery.
NO FUCHS GIVEN 1-3 CASH BANDICOOT
It was a profitable trip for the Bandicoots, and a chance to get their show back on the road thanks to the generosity of their hosts. @Aabinash_biswal and @fplhow made early withdrawals in the H2Hs, and the cash continued to flow in the Squad match, with @FPL_Sonny7 (76) leading the pilfering. @FPLDummyTom provided a brief reminder that No Fuchs also took part.
ONANAS IN PYJAMAS 0-1 MURDER ON ZIDANE’S FLOOR
The Onanas were caught napping thanks to some nifty moves by the Zidanes. The was little to shout about in the H2Hs, where @Alchim1sT and @Karan816 exchanged clean sheets, but it was the Zidanes that had the fire-power in the group dance, with William W (74) showing how it’s done.
PANDA EXPRESS CDF 0-2 CAMEROON DIAZ
@FFJoel_ (81) set a standard in goal that no other Panda could follow, and a late twist saw the Cameroons bounding down Hollywood Boulevard with another Oscar nomination. @sami_devil10 served up a more economical clean sheet, but it was the supporting cast that delivered the sparkle.
KAHN YOU FEEL THE LÖW TONIGHT 4-1 NUSANTARA GAUCHOS
The Kahns got physical against the Gauchos, and it was their night thanks to the passion shown by @fplachanka in the H2Hs, and a group session in the Squad match, where @FPLGhost (73) did most to raise spirits. @SembadaFPL was the only one to get lucky for the Gauchos.
LEAGUE ONE
SWEET 2FA 2-5 SHELBY COMPANY LIMITED
It was an early sugar-rush for the Sweets in the H2Hs, with @ZidansDad and @fplplannerau (81) popping up for goals, but it was the Shelbys who shaved the points thanks to blinders from @Ffscloseauu and Ezra Thompson, and greater muscle in the Squad match.
GENTLEMAN’S GREALISH 6-0 GARUDA CHEERS UP MASVANSA 2022
It was a ghoulish outing for the Gauchos as the Grealish moved upmarket with a crushing victory. @fplellie (80) led the strutting with a brace, FPLSemicasual also chipped in, and @fplscofield was pristine between the sticks. There was further carnage in the Squad match, but hopefully they left the Garudas with the bus fare to get home.
NO KOEMAN NO CRY 6-1 MARITIM +62
The Maritims hit the rocks and slipped into the relegation zone after another disappointing excursion; but it was no bother for No Koeman as they pranced merrily into mid-table obscurity. @LEXXKATZ and @Dannymorata were the Koeman marksmen in the H2Hs, and while @ViraFPL (77) reduced the deficit, it was one-way traffic in the Squad match.
FLYING DUTCHMEN 2-2 THE HEROES
The Dutchmen made a fast start, with Gaurav Gharge and @rowhunn both notching in the H2Hs, and @jhashashank89 managing to avoid sheet stains.; but the Heroes stormed back thanks to their courage in the Squad match.
MARADONA KEBABS 2-0 IT’S A WONDERFUL CRUYFF
The Kebabs served up a much-needed win, and did the rest of the league a favour by halting the progress of the Cruyffs. It was deadlock in the H2Hs, with @TimbersFPL and @FPLBenjiPrice exchanging clean sheets, but the Kebabs had just enough sauce in the Squad match to eke out a two-goal victory.
KEANE 16 2-0 WINNING MENTALITY WANDERERS
It was a routine exercise in flat-track bullying for the Keanes, which leaves the Wanderers still wondering when that first win will come. A H2H strike from @JohnHenson4 and a clean sheet from @Fpl23 set the tone; and there were further consequences in the Squad match courtesy of @FPLRedemption (79).
LEAGUE TWO
UNBELIEVABLE GEOFF 1-0 THE GALACTICOS
Greyhead’s high-priced crew were looking to break into the promotion berths, but the Unbelievables were ready and sent them packing in a hard-fought encounter. @nlbounty and @fplnutmeg did the housework in the H2Hs, but the Unbelievables edged it in the Squad match, with @jkisthe1 (82) being the one to make a difference.
THE NONCHALANT TWENTY20 1-5 THE NATION OF DOMINATION
Nation of Domination did what it says on the tin, and the harassment started early with H2H braces from @roulettefpl and @FPLPAZ. The Nonchalants briefly perked up with a goal from @FPL_Hank2 (76), but normal service was resumed in the Squad match.
THE DEADLY DEADLINERS 1-2 A PLANET WITH NO STARS
The Deadliners scored early, thanks to a strike from @ZhouFPL, but were eclipsed thanks to a comet from @FPLEnglish and the radiance of the No Stars squad.
INTEGRITY IS MBUEMO 9-0 FRED RICE EATER
The Mbeumos led by example and left the Freds with plenty of humble pie to go with their carbs. @fpl_incubaker and @eurofpl got the fun started with H2H strikes; and Daniel Loukachouk kept it clean; but no-one could stem the outrages in the Squad match.
RUUD BULLET 4-0 LETS’ GET READY TO CRUMBLE
The Crumblers are just the opposition needed after a tricky run, and the Ruuds took full advantage to get their show back on the road. @underscoredino emphasised his intent with a H2H goal; @FPL_RJM was in no mood to provide handouts; and there were plenty of bullets left for the Squad match, where Desmund Hui (75) led the way. Not much for the Crumblers to take from this match, but I heard that the afters were good.
THE GENERALISTS – BYE
The Generalists were on manoeuvres in Lapland this week.
MANAGER OF THE WEEK
This week’s podium is a good representation of the swings and arrows of outrageous fortune. @fplplanner (81) would have been the top-scorer but for the Solanke abatement, but instead ties with @FF Joel who gained a point courtesy of a Tsimikas auto-sub, and @steve72saunders, who gained six points from his autosubs. By contrast, @jkisthe1 steered clear of the Bournemouth chaos, and heads the list with 82 points. Well done all.
MATCHDAY 14 FIXTURES
The SKLW Organisers know what a proper Winter Break looks like, and we now have until Saturday 13 January to recover from our Christmas excesses and New Year hangovers. Here’s what we have to look forward to when battle resumes.
Premier League
| Gerd Müller a Pint | Cafu Good Men |
| Netflix and Chilwell | El Sin Nombre |
| Fontaine of Knowledge | Wan Flew over the Nkunku’s Nest |
| Sheikh, Blatter and Raul | Oppenhamster |
| Fabio Cannavariance | Spearsmint Dino |
| Banyana Bafana | Son of a Gün |
Championship
| FC Ha La Land | Flowers |
| Hand of Zoff | Cash Bandicoot |
| One Tchouameni | Murder on Zidane’s Floor |
| No Fuchs Given | Cameroon Diaz |
| Onanas in Pyjamas | Nusantara Gauchos |
| Panda Express CDF | Kahn you feel the Lōw tonight? |
League One
| Keane 16 | Sweet 2FA |
| Winning Mentality Wanderers | Maradona Kebabs |
| It’s a Wonderful Cruyff | Flying Dutchmen |
| The Heroes | No Koeman No Cry |
| Maritim +62 | Gentlemen’s Grealish |
| Garuda Cheers UP Masvansa 2022 | Shelby Company Limited |
League Two
| Integrity is Mbeumo | The Nonchalant Twenty2 |
| Ruud Bullet | Unbelievable Geoff |
| Let’s Get Ready To Crumble | The Generalists |
| Fred Rice Eater | The Galacticos |
| A Planet with No Stars | The Planet Of Domination |
| The Deadly Deadliners | Bye |
As with previous seasons, information on gameweek scores, including live updates are available here and by accessing Livescores by TopMarx.
That’s all for now. I’m off to check the returns policy on my Nordic Action Man. Stay safe.